Podcast: Warning: This Podcast Contains Some Hard Love

Are you busy looking for THE answer to how to lose weight?
The "one" tweak you need to make so that it will all work out for you?

Or thinking: "This shouldn't be how it is"?

Or "I do eat healthily (and still want to lose weight)"?

These are ALL dangerous thoughts.  And here's why...

It's not about whether they're "correct" or not.
It's about whether they're helpful.

They aren't.

Transcription of Podcast

Please note this transcription is generated by software. There may be some errors. I hope you find it useful.

Hello and welcome to Fit and Fabulous with me, Dr. Orlena. This is another of my, “Hey, Facebook Lives. Hey, Facebook Podcasts, not podcasts. Oh, you know what I'm trying to say? A mixture of two of them.”

So welcome, welcome, welcome. Super excited to chat to you today.

Are you Looking for the ONE Thing You Need to Do to Lose Weight?

Now, today I want to talk to you if you are somebody who has tried everything and you are looking for the one solution, and I want to talk to you about why this is a dangerous place to be.

But before I talk to you about that, Oh, there's another thing I want to talk about as well that thought it shouldn't be like this. So those are the two things that we are thinking about today and how we can reframe them and how we can move forwards from them, because they're really self-sabotaging thoughts.

Free Coaching on Weds Nov 30th

They are thoughts that are not helping you move forwards. But before I talk about that, I want to let you know that tomorrow, Wednesday, November the 30th, I am doing what is called open coaching. What does open coaching means? It basically means that I'm having a coaching session for anybody who wants to come.

So it will be at 7:30 AM Eastern time, that is 12:30 PM in the uk. And what do you have to do? Nothing. I will send out the Zoom link. 15 minutes beforehand. So just put that date in your diary. So you do need to be on my email list. If you're not on my email list, then I can't send you the Zoom link. It's gonna be a private Zoom link.

If you're in the Facebook group, I have put the Zoom link in the Facebook group. On underneath these notes, I'll put a place where you can sign up and you will get sent to that Zoom link. So come to this coaching if you are somebody who has got questions, who can see that you are feeling stuck and wants to move forward.

So come with your doubts, your questions, your overwhelm, and leave with clarity. And confidence to move forwards. Now, the other person who might want to come to that this coaching session is somebody who is thinking about coaching but is a little bit doubtful about coaching. You're thinking, Hey, I've heard so much about coaching, but to me it just sounds like well, just talking and how is that gonna help?

And you can come and experience coaching and see what coaching is. And my definition of coaching is getting some form someone from place A to place B. How do you do that with simple yet powerful conversations? That's how we get from A to B. And I would also say that generally it does depend, but you do need a framework.

So it does depend on what's going on. , if it's a specific thing like weight loss, you do need a framework of how to do weight loss, and we'll talk a bit more about this, right? . Now I'm thinking that some of my clients are actually gonna turn up. This is the time that I normally have my coaching session. So it might be that you can come and talk to some of them as well, depending on if they turn up or not.

But if you're somebody who's thinking, oh my goodness, I'm interested in joining Dr. Orlena's Healthy You Healthy Family Program, but I'm a little bit on the fence and I'd like to know a little bit more before I kind of test the waters. Then you can come and chat to them and they can say, Hey, this is our experience of what it's like to have coaching and why really coaching makes all the difference.

So put that date in your diary, come and chat and get clarity on moving forwards.

Have Your Normal Weight Loss Tools Stopped Working?

Okay, let's think about today's dilemma. So you are somebody who has tried everything. You are somebody who has gone through that change. You've had menopause. Now you don't have to have, have menopause, but this is something that I see frequently is.

What happens when you are younger is you, you find it easy to lose weight. So if you want to lose weight, you just go, oh, that's it. I'm going on a diet and I know what to do and I can spend two weeks not eating candy or whatever it is. I will lose weight. And then I can just go back to normal. Now as we get older, this stops working.

This method stops working for various reasons. I've got various podcasts on menopause, but menopause is really that melting pot of stuff that happens to our body, and our bodies begin to change, and we get to this stage where, oh my goodness, I've tried everything. This didn't work, this didn't work, this didn't work.

Are You Looking to Find A Tweak that Will Magic Everything Better?

But I'm looking for the answer. I want to find the answer. And I think that this is quite a dangerous place to be. Now, I'm not saying that there aren't some things that you can do well and some things that you can't do well, but when you are looking for the one answer, and it might be tweaks, should I give up fruit?

Should I eat more protein? Should I do something else? What it says to me is that you haven't committed to a way of doing things. Now, if we are talking about healthy living and weight loss, there are various different recipes to get there, but it's like picking your recipe. So I would say ketogenic diet, that is like your spaghetti bona.

That is one recipe. And the ketogenic diet has been shown to help people lose. If you want to do ketogenic, go and look up ketogenic. I don't teach people the ketogenic diet and here's why. Number one, I don't do the ketogenic diet. Number two, I think I know that vegetables are really, really healthy for you and that we want to be eating 30 to 50 grams of vegetables a day, not vegetable grams.

Fiber. And I feel that that's a bit difficult to do with ketogenic. So I have my doubts about some of the things that it advocates. And here's the real crux of why I don't teach the ketogenic diet. Studies show that it is not a long term solution, not because it doesn't work, but because people do not stick to it.

Now, that does not mean that if you are doing it and it's working for you, fabulous, it's working for you, carry on doing it. So that's one recipe. Now, healthy living, which essentially now we know is plant-based food, which does not mean you have to exclude or meat, but you are doing healthy living. And let's talk about broad terms, less packaged food.

So we're gonna put all of this together in another framework. Now this recipe is called lasagna, and it's a different recipe. It's not the same thing. You can't take one from here and one from there, okay? Some changes you can, but in broad terms you can't. Now, here's the problem. If you haven't committed to one particular framework, it's like reading five different recipe books and doing step one from one, step two from another, and step three from another.

When you commit to a framework, , you carry on doing it. You do all 10 steps of the recipe outcomes, lasagna. If you do one step from the first recipe book, and then step two from the next one, and then step three from the next one. I wonder whether you're gonna get lasagna in the end, but can you see what I'm trying to say by saying, okay, I am, I'm looking for this one.

One thing should. give up fruit. Should I eat more protein? Should I do this thing? Should I cut out dairy? All of these things. Now, I'm not saying that these aren't valid questions to ask, they are valid questions to ask. But when you are sitting there going, okay, I dunno what to do. I dunno what to do, I dunno what to do.

There is a bigger picture to be looking at and I will tell you what I think the solution is in a moment. But the other aspect that comes with this that I see frequently is people. This shouldn't happen to me. It shouldn't be like this. Now what do you mean? Shouldn't now I totally get this. I have been here before myself.

Where I have been here is when I moved from the UK to Spain. And what I say is I accidentally gave up my medical career, which means I kind of moved to Spain thinking, oh, I will just go and be a pediatric doctor in Spain. And it didn't really work out like that for various reasons, but I found myself with four young kids.

And looking after four young kids and thinking, I didn't go to medical school and work all those long hours and do all those other exams. I did all my pediatric exams to be here. It shouldn't be like, this was the thought that came through my mind. Now the question is, is that a useful thought? And the answer is no.

It's not a useful thought because it's just. Making you repeat this negative thought, repeat negative thought. It's like you get stuck in this rut of negative thought as opposed to, Hey, the reality is this is where you are and what you really mean by it shouldn't be like, this is, this wasn't on my plan.

I didn't think, I didn't realize this was gonna happen. When I made a plan of moving to Spain, I thought I was gonna move to Spain and it was all gonna be amazing and I'd step into my dream job, and that didn't happen. Now in terms of. Weight loss. What that means is I've carried on doing the same things which have been working for me in the past, but now they're not working, and now I'm a bit stuck.

Now I'm in this place where I'm looking for the answer. And so saying it shouldn't be like that is like saying, well, you are fighting reality. The reality is it is like that and changes have happened that you need to understand. You don't need to understand exactly what the changes are, but you need to understand.

How to change the channel. It's a bit like remote control. You use the remote control. You don't understand how the remote control works, but you know that if you press this button, you change the channel, and changes have happened in your body. It's called aging. And what worked before didn't work. But the bottom line is this, if you have weight to lose, at some stage, you have eaten more than your body needs and your body has stored it as fat.

Now, my personal take on this, what I think happens to people is that actually people eat a lot more than their body needs all the time. But quite often it doesn't store it as fat. It just gets rid of it. Now, here's the bottom line. Your body is not magic in that it cannot generate. Energy, if you don't put it in it cannot store it.

But the change that's happened is that it's starting to store that, that energy, and so saying it shouldn't happen is not helpful. The question you should be asking yourself is, How do I change this? How do I move forward? And yes, I understand. That leads you to the next thing, which is where we started. Oh my goodness.

What is the secret? The one thing that I need to do now, if you are asking what the one thing is that you need to do, here's my take. You need to get coaching. You need to find somebody, and I'll talk to you about. Different coaches. You need to find somebody that you trust and that you understand what it is that they're advocating.

So are they teaching ketogenic diet? Are they teaching something else? General healthy living. So you need to understand what it is that they are teaching and what they are going to show you how to transform your life. , and why do you need this? Because those questions are always going to come up. You're always gonna have this question of what is the one next thing?

What is the next, next thing? Okay, I'm gonna cut out this. I'm gonna cut out that. There's always gonna be something else. If that's your FRI framework, if that's your mindset, then that's always going to come up. Now, once you. Dive into a framework. Once you commit to a framework, you know what the framework is.

Yes, of course there are going to be things that you need to tweak. Do you want to give up dairy or do you not want to give up dairy? But the coaching allows you to pick one of those recipe books essentially, instead of going from this recipe book, this recipe book, this recipe book. Now I totally understand what it's like to go.

I don't really want to do coaching. Now, I refer you to a podcast that I did a few weeks ago, and I think if you are in this stage, it is worth going back and listening to that podcast. And I explained why I did not want to join another business coaching class cuz I've done so much business coaching. Why do I want to do that again?

And all the thoughts that I had about this until I basically decided this is going to help me move forwards. I'm going to commit to this way of being it. So if you take the analogy. Business coaching. The idea is, well, how do you market your business? You could use Facebook, you can use Instagram, you can use Facebook ads, you can use Google Ads, you can use all of these different things, but you can't use all of them.

Yes, somebody is going, well, you can if you have a big enough business, but if you're one person, you can't. Now you are always going to find somebody who says, Hey, I did this and it worked for. Hey, I did this and it worked for me. And then you start picking this one thing and that one thing, and that's the same place that you are in when you are looking for that one thing.

Should I eat more fruit? Should I eat more protein? Should I do this? You're picking and choosing certain things because somebody says to you, Hey, this worked for me and this is the one thing that worked for me. But the problem is you don't exactly know all of the things that they have. , you don't know the exact consequences.

So for example, I was talking to one of my clients the other day and she said to me, eating lots of nuts makes me put on weight. And I'm like, really? Because nuts are healthy. Yes, they're full of fat, but they're full of healthy fat and I think you have to eat an awful lot of nuts to put on weight. I eat loads of nuts and I don't put on weight.

So I said to her, well, how do you know it's the nuts that are helping you put on weight? And that is a really difficult question to ask. To answer because unless you do a big study, it is difficult. Now you can say to me, okay, but I eat this and I see this result. But yes, you have to take everything that's going on into consideration to know that that's the case.

Perhaps you eat nuts and it leaves you feeling hungry, and what you actually do is eat a cookie. , do you see that you are putting it onto eating nuts? Okay. Yes, indirectly they do. But is it really the nuts? And that question is difficult to ask to answer. So why do I think coaching is the way forwards?

You Don’t Have a Knowledge Gap, You Have a Doing Gap

Because it helps you commit to a framework so that you know what to do. You've got somebody there to help you. And what I always say to people is, you don't have a knowledge gap. I know it feels like you have a knowledge gap. You're there looking for the answer. The answer, the answer. But really what you.

Is a doing gap, and I refer you back to the first question, which is this. The first thought I, oh my goodness, my brain's just gone banked. It shouldn't be like this. When you are saying it shouldn't be like this, what you're saying is, okay, I need to find this answer. Instead of really laying your cards on the table and going, okay, this is what's happening.

How do I now move forwards and make changes such that my body will release some of that weight?

And it might be that you are eating all the same foods, but you are eating too much of them. Or it might be that you are not going to sleep. Now, I know that this sounds a little bit like I'm saying the same thing, but. I'm not because when you accept that life is like this, I do need to go back to the drawing board.

When You Let Go of “I’m Doing it Right”, You Open Yourself up to the Possibility of Doing it Differently

I do need to have a look at what I'm doing and I do need to say, , Hey, I need to do something different. Whereas when you are saying it's a very subtle difference, I think when you're saying, I'm looking for the one answer, what you're saying is, I'm doing everything right. I just need to find a little key.

I just need to find a little tweak as opposed to opening up and going, Hey, do you know what? What happens if actually I look at my life and think, okay, I could do things entirely differently, and it feels scary to do that. I know it feels scary to do. . But what I would say is, don't worry, it doesn't have to be scary.

It doesn't have to be unpleasant, but it is opening yourself up to that new way of doing things. And I think when you're busy looking for this one tweak, what you're saying is, I'm not prepared to really open myself up to changes, to do things totally different. I want to carry on doing the same way, but just tweak things, little things.

And I'm saying, I don't think that will work. I'm saying, I think you need to go back to the drawing board and you need to really take an open and honest look about what you are doing. So here's another question. Another thought that I see comes up, and it's kind of similar. A lot of people say to me, I eat really healthily.

And again, oh, I shouldn't be in this situation. I eat healthily. Why is it that I've put on weight? Normally when we dig down, people say to me, I eat healthily. Except, except I eat candy or chocolate or something else. But here's the hard truth, and this is hard. Love my friends, I know. But if you eat healthily and you've put on weight, you aren't eating as healthily as you think.

Our Brains Don’t Like Change

Now, I know that is hard love, but you don't have to beat yourself up about this. This is useful information because when you can see that what you're doing isn't as healthy as you think, you are then in a position to change it. But when you have this mindset of, I'm doing everything right, I'm doing everything right, I don't need to change.

But If You Carry On Doing the Same Things, You’ll Get the Same Results

You aren't opening yourself up to the possibility of doing things differently and getting the results you want. And this my friend brings me back to coaching because this is where coaching will really help you get those results, the results that you want. Now, I invite everybody to come to my free workshops to use my three things, but they aren't going to give you the results they want.

Yes, they will help you. They will help you move forwards. But what they won't do, Is support you to make that change in the long term. They aren't. The three things aren't going to give you the tools so that in a year's time you have got that result that you want. You have lost the weight, you've got the habits, you've got the tools to carry on.

You’re Invited to Free Coaching

And so this is why coaching is the answer. So come to the free coaching. Come and find out what coaching is like and come and find out how coaching can support you and help you get that transformation. Remember, it is not a knowledge gap you have. It is a doing gap. There is something that you aren't doing that if you do, you will get the results.

And I always say the first thing is the commitment. The commitment to yourself. The commitment to that idea of. Being healthy, of losing the weight, of having the energy of leading along and healthy life, of prioritizing your own needs. And it doesn't have to be at the expense of other people's needs. And it doesn't have to be about discipline, and it doesn't have to be hard, but there is a little bit of finding out exactly what is working for you, both in terms of how your body works, the things you know.

Is it dairy, is it not dairy? and how it fits into your life. How are you going to make this fit into your. So if you're thinking, okay, Dr. Orlena, this is making sense and I am beginning to see what you're talking about and I am interested in joining your Healthy You Healthy Family program. Number one, come to the coaching if it's obviously before Wednesday the 30th.

You’re Invited to Book a Call

If not, reach out and book a call and chat me about the Healthy You Healthy Family Program because it is the difference between getting. To where you want to get to and where you don't want to get to. And I know that the ladies who are in the group, they say, I have had amazing results. I've got to my normal body mass index.

I have lost weight. And I know that the difference is because I had the support for the last year, I've had the support keeping me going, which is also giving me the tools to know what to do next. And it changes. Like you focus on one thing, then you focus on another. . So I've had the tools, I've had the support, and I've had the accountability and that is what has made the difference.

And it is what will make the difference for you getting to where you want to get to. So yes, make, make the most of the three things, but please understand those three thing, three things are going to give you a little bit, they aren't going to give you the long term results that you want. So my friends, I hope this was useful and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Bye-bye.