Podcast: Rewiring Your Brain to Overcome Binge Eating: Insights from Coach Amber Abila
Introduction
Struggling with binge eating? You're not alone.
In this eye-opening episode Dr. Orlena sits down with binge eating coach Amber Abila to uncover the truth behind this challenging habit.
Discover how viewing binge eating as a brain-based habit rather than a permanent condition can transform your relationship with food.
Learn practical strategies to rewire your brain, challenge harmful thought patterns, and find hope in your journey to food freedom.
Whether you're battling binge eating or simply want to improve your relationship with food, this episode offers invaluable insights and compassionate guidance.
Tune in to start your path towards a healthier, happier you.
Connect with Amber Abila:
💚Amber's Podcast with Dr Orlena https://podcasts.apple.com/es/podcast/30-building-lifelong-healthy-habits-with-dr-orlena/id1729699188?i=1000667053110&l=en-GB
💚Free Guided Urge Audio: https://www.theconfidenteater.org/urge
💚Work with Amber: https://www.theconfidenteater.org/work-with-me
💚Become a Confident Eater Podcast: https://www.theconfidenteater.org/podcast
💚Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theconfidenteater_/
💚Free Support Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/532434625387487/?mibextid=c7yyfP
Transcription of Podcast
Dr Orlena: Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Fit and Fabulous with me, Dr. Orlena. I am super excited because today we have a guest who is going to talk to us about binge eating and emotional eating and overeating in general. So Amber Abila, welcome, welcome. Hi there. Thank you so much for having me on. It is such an honor to have you here.
Dr Orlena: First of all, do you want to just start by telling people a little bit about what you do and introduce yourself?
Amber: Yeah, so as she mentioned, I'm Amber Abila. I'm a binge eating and over eating coach, and I help people stop over eating, stop binge eating, by rewiring their brain. And my journey started quite a few years ago.
Amber: I actually struggled with bulimia, with anorexia for a period of time, but I got therapy for that and that helped a lot, but I found myself really stuck with binge eating and not really finding a way out for that. I found that all the therapy I went to, all the answers I found on the internet just weren't really working for me.
Amber: And so that led me to going on my own journey to really seek out how can I stop binge eating? How can I change how I think about food and how I feel about food in a way that's different than just going back to my childhood.
Dr Orlena: Perfect. And I know that you've got a story and I'd love to dive like a little bit more into your story.
Dr Orlena: If you could just tell us a little bit about, you know, what it was like back then when You know, you fixed your bulimia and you're still left with binge eating. So what was the sort of story, you know, the weekly issues that were going on for you?
Amber: Right. So I had started with wanting to lose weight, a very innocent, harmless thing, and it started just a spiral more and more.
Amber: I started to get more restrictive. And the thing about binge eating is for the majority of people, it starts by this extreme period of dieting, where you You're eating way too many, too little calories. You're having way too many restrictions. You're just really shrinking the amount of food you're having way too quickly.
Amber: And your brain is trying to protect you always. And so when it senses that your body is not getting enough calories, it will start sending out these really strong binge urges. So that is a little bit more well known. And I think it's pretty well talked about that. If we restrict too much, that could lead to binge eating.
Amber: But I think where I was missing a lot of answers was I had stopped restricting at a point. I had learned, okay, I'm not going to diet anymore. I'm not going to cut out lots of calories, but if I'm not doing that, why am I still binge eating? And what I learned is through a lot of research on the internet and really trying to take this brain based perspective to healing was This binge eating could be looked at just like a habit and that was something that was really revolutionary to me because I was taught in therapy that there was kind of just something wrong in my brain and I was probably gonna have to be in therapy for a really long time and I was gonna have to constantly work on my emotions and make sure I was never super stressed Otherwise, I might binge and so when I started viewing it as a habit, it just really started to simplify the process of changing it and then I realized that there was actually nothing wrong with me.
Amber: I had just been so many times that my brain thought it was a biological need at that point that I must need a lot of food because I do it so often. So one thing, um, It really helped me see it as I was getting these urges and that was the reason that I was stuck binge eating. And if I stopped acting on these urges so much, it would stop giving me the urges in my brain. And did that happen? Yes. So it sounds so simple on the surface that if you want to stop binge eating, you just need to stop binge eating. But that is essentially the essence of it. Every time we do something or do don't do something, we're essentially taking a vote in our brain for how we want our brain pathways to look like.
Amber: So every morning when we brush our teeth, we have consistently given a check mark that this is something we want to do. And so our brain gives us the desire, um, this little urge in the morning, Hey, don't you want to brush your teeth? You always do it. And so we keep doing it. But then the other side is once we stop giving our brain that check mark, if we were to stop brushing our teeth.
Amber: for, you know, a couple weeks, which, you know, would be really gross, but our brain would stop desiring that, um, habit so much because it learns, Oh, this is not something you want to do anymore. So that's essentially what I started applying the logic to of my eating is I, I need to learn how to sit with these urges and then they will eventually go away.
Amber: And that's what happened. There were, you know, more skills and strategies beyond that, that I had to learn. That was ultimately the most fundamental one that I felt like no one was talking about.
Dr Orlena: Yeah, no, I absolutely love it. And we definitely talk about habits here and I see total parallels with some of the work that I do with my own clients.
Dr Orlena: So that might be emotional eating. Another big one I really see is social eating and being in a social situation. And I think it's exactly the same in that you have to go through this. Journey really of saying, okay, I'm going to put myself in a social situation. Other people are going to eat around me and I'm going to try not to eat around me and I may fail and I may succeed.
Dr Orlena: It's not like you turn it off instantly, but you get to that stage exactly as you were saying, where that desire is no longer there. It's a bit like, yeah, I can take it or leave it. I'm not, it's not such a big desire that it's this overwhelming desire.
Amber: Right.
Dr Orlena: One thing I'd like to just, um, talk about before we sort of talk more about binge eating is Emotional eating and, you know, emotional eating is when you have emotions and you're turning to food for comfort and very much like you say, like a habit.
Dr Orlena: In my opinion, everybody emotionally eats to some extent or another, and that's a social norm. And for some people it's tipped over into actually, this is a problem because I'm getting. Issues with putting on weight, or it's taking over my brain, and I'd like to stop it. But there's a sort of line, and I think they overlap a little bit, emotional eating and binge eating.
Dr Orlena: But what's the difference, and why, why is binge eating feeling almost so much more difficult to
Amber: fix? This is a great question and definitely something that I think is important to distinguish because true binge eating is a recognized eating disorder. And I think it's a fine line at times too, you know, what's disordered eating, what's an eating disorder, when is it just kind of, ah, we formed just a few different habits that we don't really love.
Amber: But. The reason why that's important is because there is the severity to binge eating where it's this very large quantity of food. So how the DSM 5, which diagnoses, um, mental illnesses describes binge eating is it's a larger quantity than most people would normally eat, which is like subjective in itself, but a larger quantity than most people would eat within a two hour timeframe in a way that feels very out of control.
Amber: like you can't stop, um, very hard to deal with. So that is how we distinguish it. And overeating, I like to say, you know, that's more when we're like, you know, I'm not really hungry, but I really want a cookie. And then we have a cookie and then maybe we have one more and then we kind of feel guilty, but we might stop after that.
Amber: Binge eating is like eating half of your cabinet. It is these very large amounts. Um, and I think overeating they definitely have some crossovers overeating You can have that out of control feeling But in general you're a little bit more aware of it. You might start to see. Ah, I know i'm not hungry But i'm gonna do this anyways Whereas to me when I was binge eating it almost felt like I was a ghost outside of my body Like I was zero presence at all um I didn't recognize what was happening like until it was totally over And I just felt like I was this machine that wanted to And
Dr Orlena: I'm guessing after that, huge amounts of guilt as well, and beating yourself up about how imperfect you are, and how you can't do things, and that you're almost sabotaging your own health.
Amber: Mm hmm. Totally. Yeah, I mean, it was so hard because I felt like it happened so automatically And you know, this is a lot of people. It's like it just we don't most people don't have the awareness in general but because I felt like I just it was like a split second decision and then I was in the binge It was like I just took this habit pathway and I wasn't off the road until I was dying It was, there was like a lot of physical consequences.
Amber: Um, I gained about 30 pounds. I was struggling with my energy all the time because I was on this constant blood sugar high and low, where I was not really eating a lot, but then I was eating large quantities of lots of carbs and sugar, especially. So I was really having a hard time showing up in my life yet.
Amber: No one really knew that. From the outside, I always put on this perspective of, Oh, I'm healthy. And, you know, I would just get the salad out at dinner and then no one knew what was really happening behind closed doors. So I think that's another element of binge eating is there's a lot of shame around it and there's a lot of hiding from it.
Dr Orlena: And why do you think, I mean, I guess it's difficult, but why do you think people wait so long to get help? Like 30 pounds is, you know, quite a lot. Like, and I totally hear that it was difficult for you, but you're definitely not alone in that. That people feel that they've got this. almost secret, and they desperately want to stop, but they just don't know how and they don't reach out.
Amber: So I think one thing is we feel like it's a willpower issue, where if we just tried harder, we would fix it. That it must be something with us, and we're just not trying enough, and we think other people might think, We don't have enough willpower, but really it can go a lot beyond that. It's not just, we're not white knuckling through it hard enough.
Amber: We just don't have the skills and strategies. And I think a lot of people don't realize that there even are skills and strategies around food besides just saying, don't do it, be good, eat healthy. And I think the second part of it is, especially as women, we're taught like the worst things we can do is to gain weight and to like be out of control around food.
Amber: We're taught that we need to be these little women and we just need to eat little bites of food and not ask for too much, not be too hungry, not overeat. And so I think a lot of people have a hard time admitting to, um, You know, I'm struggling with eating too much food. It's not very glamorous to say that.
Amber: That I'm gaining so much weight that I can't stop myself. That I, I really don't know what to do and we want to pretend that we have it all together and it's not a problem.
Dr Orlena: And what would you say to people who are in that situation and really struggling with the guilt of being in a, of being a binge eater?
Amber: I would tell them that they're not alone in this and so so many other people struggle with it. Um, when I first came out and said that I want to be a coach around this issue, one people were surprised cause they were like, Oh, I didn't even know you were struggling with this. Um, but also so many people said me too, like, I have also struggled with my relationship with food, you know, whether it was full blown binge eating or just, They just have a hard time.
Amber: They feel guilty around food sometimes. They feel embarrassed by the amount they eat. They have a hard time eating the way they want to be eating. I think most people can relate to this in some way. And so I think it's important to remember that, that you're like, you're not alone in this journey. And there are so many solutions out there that you might just not have heard of yet.
Amber: So if you try one approach, like for me, you know, I love therapy for a lot of things, this is like no hate to therapy, but I just found it pretty ineffective for my binge eating specifically. And I have a lot of clients with that experience. So if you found, um, therapy or even like coaches or, um, different programs that just haven't quite resonated with you yet, just know there's so many other options out there too.
Amber: And what do you think the
Dr Orlena: key is if you're sitting there as a binge eater, what's like the first step that you need to do to start? I mean, obviously. Get some help. But, you know, what, what does that help look like in terms of
Amber: like, what do you have to do? So the first thing I like to point out to my clients is that their urges around food aren't factual.
Amber: So I do a lot of work on looking at, you know, what thoughts are true and what thoughts are not true, because most of us go around all day long, just believing that what we are thinking is factual. a fact that because it pops in her head must be true. So we think our brain says, I want a lot of food. I must want a lot of food.
Amber: I must need to eat right now. I have a craving for food. Guess I have to have sugar now. And so we do a lot of work of seeing how are these thoughts not true. So when your brain tells you, I need a lot of food right now, looking at no, look, I'm renourishing myself. I am not dieting anymore. I've clearly given myself plenty of food.
Amber: And you can start to separate yourself out from that. Seeing when your brain is telling you, um, you know, I should probably just go back on a diet. I should, that's probably going to be the best way is questioning that and being like, well, is that true? How has that worked out in the past for me? Could I try something else this time?
Amber: And so really start asking yourself, anytime you get a thought around food, is this true? And is it helpful? Because if not, there's another option that you can think that is going to give you a better and different results in your life.
Dr Orlena: Perfect. I absolutely love this. And I think, As a mother of four young kids, my youngest are 11, they're twins and they're coming up for 12.
Dr Orlena: And I think this idea that believing our thoughts starts at a really, really early age. Now, obviously my children, their thoughts aren't so much around food, but about anything like, mum, you're being really mean to me. And I'll be like, in what way am I being mean to you? My son was talking about a silly little rhyme, which involves telegraph, um, telegraph wire, telephone wires.
Dr Orlena: And I'm like, we don't really have telephone wires anymore. Do we? And he takes that to mean that I'm really mean, but it's really true to him. It's not just a thought. And this idea of being able to see that our thoughts. Aren't necessarily the truth. He's 11. Just think if you're 40, you've had like 40 years of really thinking that your, your thoughts are actually the truth.
Dr Orlena: And to be able to question them is. Well, challenging, but also amazingly rewarding.
Amber: Yeah.
Dr Orlena: Perfect. So what do you feel, what do you recommend for people who are stuck in binge eating and they have been doing this for a long time and they just feel hopeless and they want to change it? What's your recommendation?
Amber: for them. So obviously one get help, but I would also start to look at where are you holding on to past food rules? This was another thing in my life that I had a hard time letting go of was I had been told by so many diets and so many things on the internet. Of the good foods and the bad foods and the foods I should be eating and I shouldn't be eating And it just felt like I had a really hard time getting out of that Um, so just like I said with the questioning the thoughts I would also start questioning those food labels and really trying your best to get out of the all or nothing thinking because That's what ultimately sabotages us and when we get into this hopeless feeling, you know One it's normal like when we're going through something and it's really hard and we just feel like there's no way out You It makes sense that we feel hopeless, but I always found when I felt hopeless when I want to give up That's when my eating got worse.
Amber: That's when I said screw it. You know, i'm just gonna eat everything I'm not gonna try anymore. I can't do this. It's not possible for me But ultimately we all have human brains and all human brains are easy are able to change And so if you're listening to this right now, you have had habits in the past that you've changed You have had thoughts in the past that you've changed.
Amber: You've become a different person. You once started a new job that you didn't know how to do, and then you learned how to do it. So this is just one more thing that you can learn the skills to do too, is how to be this natural and intuitive eater. And part of that is, um, A lot of people I work with are perfectionists, myself included, of recovering perfectionists.
Amber: And so we need to start letting go of these, you know, I'm either on track or off track. I'm either doing really well today, or I'm doing really bad. I'm either eating the good foods or the bad foods, because that's, what's ultimately going to feel like, make us feel like we're doing everything wrong, or we just can't get anything right.
Amber: And to start to see how there's nuance in it, that there's really. You know, this is a big topic in itself, but there, there are no such thing as good and bad foods. No one gains weight or becomes unhealthy if they had one M and M a day, just like, you know, someone isn't ruining their life by watching 10 minutes of TV a day.
Amber: It's the amount you're having it. It's the frequency you're having it. It's your goals. It's so many other factors. So if we can let go of those good, bad food labels, we'll start to be able to get into this more moderate place. Um, and then we'll start to see how. Every time we're having, you know, if we have a piece of chocolate, we're not ruining it.
Amber: We're saying, Oh my gosh, I did horrible today. And then we get into that hopeless place. So, you know, really just keep having faith that you can do this again. I really truly believe that anyone can change their eating habits, despite what you've heard before, despite if you think I'm too old, I'm too young, I'm too this, I'm too that.
Amber: Really all it takes is a split second to become someone different. And we can make those decisions every single day to change.
Dr Orlena: Perfect. And I would totally. Back up, what do you say? And I think going back to what you very first said, which is get support. And I think there's so much evidence that support helps you.
Dr Orlena: And obviously that support can be from your family, it could be from your friends, but really, I think if you are struggling with binge eating, you want to get support from a specialist. who really is, that's what they do the whole time, and that they're really focused on binge eating, someone like yourself.
Dr Orlena: So having said that, would you like to tell people about your services and how they can contact you?
Amber: Yeah, totally. And like she said, this is like something that there is help for, and I have been in your shoes, so if you're struggling with binge eating of what I've said has resonated with you, just know that you're not alone in this.
Amber: Um, some places you can find me. One are on Instagram at the confident eater. You can also go to my website, the confident eater. org. And on there, there is a little button for an urge audio. This is where I recommend really starting with me. This urge audio, it's a seven minute audio that you can download that's going to help you get through those urges.
Amber: So when you have that really strong moment where you just feel like you're that ghost out of your body and you need someone to, Calm you down and talk you down. Like I so wish I had this when I was struggling. Um, I walk you through a few different techniques and reminders. So that's a great place to start.
Amber: I also have private and group coaching. If you want to work with me further in a six month program. Um, so I have free consultations on my website as well. Perfect.
Dr Orlena: And so I will say to anybody who's listening, and if you. are suffering with binge eating. I recommend that you go and book one of those calls.
Dr Orlena: If it's free, it's free. You said it was free. Go and book a call because you don't have anything to lose. You have everything to gain. It's how long does the call take? 45 minutes. 45 minutes. And that 45 minutes might change your life. So like the worst thing that happens is you walk away thinking, okay, This isn't something that resonates with me, but the best thing that can happen is that it's the first step on really getting to change your life.
Dr Orlena: And so I really urge people to go and book a call with Amber and listen to her words of wisdom and, you know, put, think about what would it look like for you to really put yourself in her hands and have her help you really Get, get rid of this thing that is really making such a, your life, such a misery, basically.
Dr Orlena: So Amber, thank you so much for spending some time with us. Do you have any last words of wisdom for people other than obviously come and chat to you?
Amber: Trying to think if there's anything else. Besides, I've already mentioned, um, you know, I would just say again, that you're capable of change and don't forget that keep looking for all the things you're going, you're, that are, you're doing well, all of your little wins, they do exist. And the more we focus on those wins, the more they'll grow.
Amber: So keep seeing where you're doing well, not all is wrong right now. So the more we can focus on that will grow. Perfect. Perfect.
Dr Orlena: What do they say? Success for a positive attitude. I can't remember, but I know what you mean. Total. Success attitude really will win the day. And I totally believe that as well, that we're, our brains are so negatively wired that we see everything as, um, you know, a failure, a failure, and we never look at our successes.
Dr Orlena: So yeah, I totally think that's an amazing thing to walk away with. You can change and every little success we need to celebrate. So thank you so much, Amber. Thank you.
